I don't really think of myself as a grown-up yet. In fact, I often still think in terms of "when I grow up" except it's usually more phrased as "when I get my own place/move out"... But I suppose I do have a grown up job.
I don't know if you'd (or I'd) call it a career, but it's a full time office job. It's the daily grind, 9-5 (or in my case ), 40 hours a week.
I've had this job now for a little over two months, and just over a month of being truly full-time... and I'm already over it. Not the job (per se) but I'm over the "excitement" of having a grown up job. The novelty of early morning coffees and packing a cute little bento lunch has worn off.
It’s not that I don’t enjoy the routine-ness of it. In fact I usually appreciate having a routine. And it’s not that the work is terribly boring or my co-workers horrible or anything….
It’s nothing specific then, but more just the way my neck tenses up and I get all jumpy and insecure whenever I’ve faced with a new task at work. For instance I don't have my own phone line at work, so whenever I need to make a call I need go use someone elses phone. This makes me seriously uncomfortable and I find myself either practicing what I'm going to say to the person on the other line or me waiting until my co-workers is sick or goes out for lunch in order to make a phone call so I'm not bothering them or overheard by them.
I'm not sure if this is normal behavior or not. I don't have anything to judge it against. I’ve think it’s mostly I don’t like looking incompetent… and usually I have no problem asking for help or for someone to clarify something but with work I guess it’s different? Maybe it’s because it’s not a “learning environment” and also because if I don’t ask and I do it wrong there may be serious consequences for myself, my department, the state, and possibly the accused.
Jeez… it’s a lot of pressure.
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