When a writer can't find the words to express themselves well either a) they're not a very good writer or b) the subject is too close to them for them to be able to do anything other than feel.

I feel sad about the (hopefully) temporary lost of our friendship. I also feel like that even if we somehow worked through it and made-up that nothing would be the same. Something has been lost (on my end at least.) It's like now that I know how unimportant my friendship was to you, I can never really trust it (and by extension you) again.

It's weird you know because I spend a lot of my time hoping that you'll forgive me and that we can be friends again. That we could go back to the easy understanding that existed between us. But I guess on some level I doubt that that can happen. It's a flaw that's been pointed out to me before: that I can never let things go. The knowledge that you could walk away at any time would always be with me, and would overshadow my interactions with you.

Maybe asking for a close friendship is asking for too much. Maybe if we can be friends again it would be best if it were a more a see you once every few months kind of friendship as opposed to being best friends.

It's funny because I spend all this time worried about this. Our friendship. and if and how we'll make up. And I have no idea if you've even given it a second thought or if you've already written me off as someone "you used to be friends with."

either way I guess the simple fact that I do care about this situation at all proves that I do want us to be friends again.  I don't know what that amount to though.