The forcast for Oahu today includes: cloudy skies, thunderstorms, lightning, gusting winds and small hail. To me this seems appropriate enough. It's as though the weather is a reflection of my own inner anguish. A high surf advisory has also been issued, and as I think about the waves crashing down onto our shores I can't help but feel that the world (for today at least) is empathizing with me. Can I weather the storm until the waters calm? Will I be able to navigate the treacherous road that disappears into palces unknown and undreamed of?
My last thoughts before I fall alseep have been "I guess you're still mad," and "I hope you forgive me," and my first thought these past few mornings as I wake up has been "I guess you're still mad." I feel powerless to do anything about it. I suppose if our friendship can not withstand this test then it was never as strong as I imgained it was.
I'm not sure what upsets me more. The fact that I may have been wrong about our level of friendship and understanding of one another or the fact that I may have lost a friendship as close as ours. I wish I could change things, take back that moment of my insensitivity and heartlessness. But I can't. All I can do now is wait. Wait for you to make a decision. Wait for you to inform me of that decision. Wait for the crushing blow of the water to drive me under and either emerge renewed or remain drowned and disoriented below the surface.
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